Bird-Free Zone


That was the sound of the banhammer descending: my building is now a bird-free zone. From this day forth, no-one may feed the birds, put out nestboxes, or otherwise encourage birdly visitation.

For me, this is a huge disappointment. Due to limited mobility and lack of transportation, the majority of my birding is of the backyard variety. When I’m not at home, looking out at my own backyard, I’m in the backyard across the street, which has much the same birds as mine. Only, I’d get a few interesting extras, here, because of the feeders: Anna’s hummingbirds, a variety of woodpeckers, the occasional bird of prey. And, of course, Loudenstein and Noisenberg (who are out there right now, staring at the spot where the food always was, and making the most plaintive of noises; I can’t even look at them!).

So. What are my options, here?

Learn to drive; bird in the parks

PROS: Learning to drive would be good for more than just birding expeditions. I could go…well, anywhere, really, within the confines of my petrol budget.

CONS: I’ve tried this before. I wasn’t good at it. My vision and reflexes are both dreadful; I’m the only person I know who got into an accident during my driver’s exam. Furthermore, I can’t afford a car — and even if I could, I’d have nowhere to park it.

Buy some sort of remote-control plane with a camera attached; use it to fly above birds, and gaze down upon them

PROS: It might be fun, I suppose…. Nobody else would be doing it. My tiny plane could get close to birds I’d never be able to approach, in the flesh.

CONS: It rains all the time, here. I’m not sure what would happen to a remote-control plane on a wet day, but I’m guessing it wouldn’t be good. Also, it would cost a fortune to buy, and then another fortune in batteries. And, worst of all…well, if you were a bird, and this buzzy electric thing kept flying above you, wouldn’t you be a little irritated? The idea’s to admire, not annoy.


PROS: I could get a place with a washer & dryer. Much as I enjoy the fluff-and-fold service, sending out my washing gets expensive. Also, I hate the fact that I only get to wear my favourite cardigan once every two weeks. If I had my own W&D, I could stick it in every evening, and have it ready to go the next day. Furthermore, living in a house, with a garden, I could fill up the flowerbeds with hummingbird-friendly blooms, hang a feeder from a tree, and get a much nicer selection of birds.

CONS: Maintaining a house and garden is time-consuming, and possibly difficult. (I’ve never gardened. I don’t know.) Moving is the worst; the absolute pits. I might still get a landlord who doesn’t want birds on his property — though, if I asked in advance, got permission in writing for a birdfeeder, that could be avoided. I’d lose my beautiful view of False Creek.

Maybe I will move. Maybe it’s time to buy, rather than rent. I hear it’s quite nice, up by Queen Elizabeth Park — and there are ravens, in the area.

F. this, though. F. it hard.

I blame Mr. Dolgonosov. Dollars to doughnuts, this is on him. :-(

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *